Before a flight takes off, the flight attendant always tells us that if an oxygen mask descends in front of you, the first rule is to put it on before you assist anyone else. Only when we first help ourselves can we effectively help others. Caring for yourself is one of the most important—and one of the most often forgotten—things you can do as a caregiver. When your needs are taken care of, the person you care for will benefit, too. As we enter the holiday season, it's more important than ever to make sure that we're making time for ourselves.
What are the benefits of self-care?
• 64% said boost in self-confidence
• 67% said increased productivity
• 71% said happiness
What’s holding you back?
Although we intellectually know how important self-care is, before committing to an ongoing routine, we first need to explore the conscious and unconscious biases around it. Contemplating these questions can help you become aware of what might be holding you back from giving yourself the time and space to make self-care a priority:
1. What is your reaction when you hear the phrase “self-care”?
2. What messages have you internalized about engaging in it?
3. What are the benefits you experience when self-care is a regular part of your routine?
4. What does not making self-care a regular part of your life cost you?
5. Every behavior has a benefit or else we wouldn’t do it. What are the benefits of not making self-care a regular part of your life?
6. What situations/people in your life make it hard to set boundaries so that you can engage in self-care?
7. What are 3 excuses you use to put off self-care?
a. How true are they?
8. What activities energize you?
9. What is restful for you?
10. What do you do to calm yourself down?
11. What does it look like when you’re taking care of yourself? (mood, physical, relationships, etc.)
What does your self-care regimen look like?
• Sensory (bath, gardening, walking in nature)
• Physical (massage, yoga, exercise)
• Spiritual (church, prayer, meditation)
• Social (being with friends, hobbies)
Who is in your village?
• Who can I call if I’m depressed or anxious?
• Who makes me laugh?
• Who will come over to be with me if I need company?
• Who will just listen to me and not try to solve my problems?
• Who will help me come up with solutions?
• Who will encourage me to be gentle with myself?
When I'm working with people, I encourage them to design a self-care contract that they print out and keep where it's easy to see.
• I promise that over the next thirty days I will do the following activities…
• I will try and stop doing….
• I will choose an accountability partner and I will check in with them daily.
• Each week I’ll take 10 minutes to reflect on how things have changed now that I’m adding more self-care.
Write down your “Three Good Things” every day.
At the end of the day, before you go to bed, write down three good things that happened that day and reflect on why they happened. For maximum impact, repeat this daily exercise for 2 weeks.
You may find it challenging at first, but by day 4 or 5 it should be easier because the brain begins to more effectively recognize and interpret the positive moments that we experience each day.
Practice 4-7-8 breathing
Developed by Dr. Andrew Weil, 4-7-8 breathing increases vagal tone slightly and decreases feelings of physical stress.
As you inhale, silently count to four as fast or as slow as you like (the goal is to eventually slow down the count, but you don’t have to do that immediately). Hold your breath gently in your body to a count of seven. Then exhale to a count of eight. Perform this cycle two to three times. An alternative is using the same number (for instance, four) for the inhale, hold, and exhale.
How to make your self-care plan a habit you'll stick to
• Start small - Make it manageable so you’re more likely to stick with it. (ex. 10 minute walk vs. a 5k; a 5 minute guided meditation vs. 20 minutes on your own)
• Include activities you enjoy - It shouldn’t feel like a chore.
• Have a self-care accountability partner - Bookend with them. Text before/after you meditate, etc.
• Be flexible - Life happens. Don’t beat yourself up if your plans are derailed but think of ways to pivot.
• Reflect on your progress - After 30 days, take time to reflect on improvements in your mood, stress levels, or overall well-being to motivate you to continue.
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